Stella Damasus Speaks out on the Rumour Concerning her relationship as she plans to release new song “My Man”
“I
always wanted to start early. I always wanted to have children early. I wanted
to have a marriage early, I wanted to grow with a family. I wanted to learn the
inside of it, I didn’t want to wait and grow, and mature, and become big and
famous then start to wonder ‘oh, will anyone marry me now’…..”
This were her exact words as she spoke about her marriage to
Jaiye Aboderin at the age of 21, she went further in to her personal life in
this interview with host Emma Emerson in an attempt to clear the air about her
current relationship…See the full interview below after the cut….
I didn’t want that to happen because at 16 I was already
popular. I was making money, I was travelling. So at that point looking at my
life, I said, if I do this for another five (5), six (6), seven (7) years, and
I don’t start a family, it will become more difficult for me later on. And so,
I decided if I find somebody who I love, who will love me back, we will go
together. We will fight all the fight, make up, we will do whatever, but we
will grow old together. And that’s what happened.
And
I am happy I made that decision, because today I have a 15 year old. I grew up
with my children. When you see the three of us, and you see my daughters, you
will think we are sisters. And we talk as friends. So it was an important thing
for me. To have a family, and have that…I needed something to check me. We have
a tendency to be crazy and do whatever we like because we could get away with
anything, we could travel all over the world, we could get people to like us
like this (snaps finger), we had money to throw around. If I don’t have that
family unit to check me, I don’t know what I would have become and I won’t lie
about that.”
On recovering from losing him:
Recover? Do you really recover? They say time heals. I say, I have a different definition, I say time numbs. It is not something that heals, and then that’s it, it’s gone, it’s gone, No. This is someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with, and grow with.
Recover? Do you really recover? They say time heals. I say, I have a different definition, I say time numbs. It is not something that heals, and then that’s it, it’s gone, it’s gone, No. This is someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with, and grow with.
We made plans, like every other couple. And when that
happened…he died when I was 26 with two children. I just felt that my life had
ended. So, but with time, this year, December 3rd will 10 years, one full
decade. So it is not healing, I won’t call it healing but I will say it numbs
it and once in a while, it comes up and the pain is as fresh like yesterday but
it is how you deal with it that matters.
And
that’s what I have had to do for the past 10 years but I am very grateful for
the family I have, for the people I have around me. For that, you need a lot of
strength. God helped me through it all.”
On Widow being her story:
“Widow is a true life story but not my story. The woman who I played lives with her children in the UK. I did Widow, months before my husband passed away. So I saw the lady that I played, so when the movie came out, the movie came out after my husband had died.
“Widow is a true life story but not my story. The woman who I played lives with her children in the UK. I did Widow, months before my husband passed away. So I saw the lady that I played, so when the movie came out, the movie came out after my husband had died.
It didn’t come out before. So when it came out, everybody
thought ‘oh that’s her story, she was telling her story’. It wasn’t my story. I
wasn’t upset, I was actually grateful that I did such a great job that people
believed that it was me. Because as at the time I was doing it, my husband was,
in fact he was the one dropping me off on location. So it means I must have
done a very good job for people to actual feel it and say oh that’s her story.”
On her relationship with Daniel
Ademinokan:
“Let me put it this way. Let me help you hit the nail on the head. One of the comments I have seen consistently, over and over again, is ‘Stella snatches somebody’s husband’, ‘Stella the husband snatcher’, which is what has been going on. And I had sworn that I would never talk about it, or even listen or stress myself about this thing but I have decided to do this now, so that I end this once and for all.
“Let me put it this way. Let me help you hit the nail on the head. One of the comments I have seen consistently, over and over again, is ‘Stella snatches somebody’s husband’, ‘Stella the husband snatcher’, which is what has been going on. And I had sworn that I would never talk about it, or even listen or stress myself about this thing but I have decided to do this now, so that I end this once and for all.
First
of all, let me paint a picture for you and you let me know what makes sense to
you. When I looked up the word snatch or steal, ehh, let’s go to the
dictionary. It means, forcefully taking something away from its original
position. Forcefully. From its original position to another position. Something
that does not belong to you. That’s what I gathered from the word snatch or
steal.
So
I looked at me, Stella, and I wondered to myself, how is it possible to go to
somebody’s home, and take a man, and take his son, away from his home and say follow
me. You are a man, and according to their story, he is happily married inside
his home. With his family complete and I walk into that home, to forcefully
take a man, abled bodied man, and a kid, away from somebody’s hand and you are
there looking at me. How does that work?
Did they accuse me of using voodoo? Yes or no? They said no.
Okay, did I put a gun on anybody’s head and remove somebody from somewhere?
They said no. So logically, if people actually sit down and think about it
intelligently, how do you snatch somebody from somebody and the person is there
looking at you?
So
when you see a man who has settled ties with a woman and decides to move on
with his life and you feel that there is something in this man that you like
and he likes you. I am not a kid. I am 36 years old.
I am not about to start hiding myself. I was waiting for somebody to actually ask me this question, because all I have heard for the past two, three years are rumours. They said, blogs said, this said. Nobody has been bold enough to confront me and ask me. So I say, if I steal something from somebody, and the person is really the owner of the thing, you come and ask me, ‘you took something from me, give me back’.
I am not about to start hiding myself. I was waiting for somebody to actually ask me this question, because all I have heard for the past two, three years are rumours. They said, blogs said, this said. Nobody has been bold enough to confront me and ask me. So I say, if I steal something from somebody, and the person is really the owner of the thing, you come and ask me, ‘you took something from me, give me back’.
But nobody was able to that. And I am like, if I meet an abled
bodied man that has left and moved on. That is not even in the same house with
whoever and is not doing anything with whoever, and both parties have decided
this thing is not going anywhere, and they have gone their separate ways, why
is it that it easier for the world to blame the woman that the man has decided
to end up with?
Why
is it that it is always that woman that scattered that home?
The two people that did things that nobody was there, nobody said something must have happened between this two people but it is always somebody else that is the problem. And I always say, I do not tolerate blaming anybody for your own problems. I have had problems.
The two people that did things that nobody was there, nobody said something must have happened between this two people but it is always somebody else that is the problem. And I always say, I do not tolerate blaming anybody for your own problems. I have had problems.
After
my late husband’s death, I got married again and the marriage didn’t work.
After eight (8) months, it crashed. People didn’t hear much about it, why? I
HEARD ABOUT THE REASONS FROM DANIEL
We were both mature to understand that we came together, we knew that the thing was not working, instead of us to become enemies we will remain friends, let’s just let it go quietly. And we let it go quietly. I didn’t blame anybody else for doing it, he didn’t blame anybody else for doing it. So I am wondering, two people come together they go their separate ways, this one meets somebody, all of a sudden, it is that somebody that is the problem. Did anybody ever ask, what went wrong? Why would a man pick up his son and walk away from his marriage?
We were both mature to understand that we came together, we knew that the thing was not working, instead of us to become enemies we will remain friends, let’s just let it go quietly. And we let it go quietly. I didn’t blame anybody else for doing it, he didn’t blame anybody else for doing it. So I am wondering, two people come together they go their separate ways, this one meets somebody, all of a sudden, it is that somebody that is the problem. Did anybody ever ask, what went wrong? Why would a man pick up his son and walk away from his marriage?
Was
there anytime another woman was the problem until the man moved on with another
woman? Nobody brought up Stella’s name, then all of a sudden, ‘oh he’s moved on
with somebody else (snaps fingers), it must be her’. How? I am still waiting
for somebody to come with proof to say ‘oh when they were still in marriage,
when they were still in a house, you came and did this.’ So the reason why I
don’t like talking about it is that, there are some things I would say to you
and you would look at me like ‘oh wow’ but I don’t want to be derogatory, I don’t
want to tow the line that other people have towed by talking bad about people.
I
would never do that but the stories started coming. At first I ignored it, I
just kept quiet, and then it was all over the place, Google, blogs, and I am
like, one day, one day, I would tell my story. There’s a reason why I am
respecting certain people, respecting certain legal issues that are going on.
So there might be some things I may not hammer on, but whenever you hear this
person snatched this person’s, you will ask the person, the person that they
said was the original owner, what was the person doing when they were snatching
the person from him or her? I don’t get it. Do you understand?
So
I look at it, I am not ugly, I am not dumb. Of all the men in the world, I will
now go and look for somebody else’s own and say this is the one I want. If he
didn’t come out of it and say I want to be with you and you want to be with me,
how? Why would I come and grab…? Am I that bad looking? Am I that old?.”
On
if she ever thought she and Daniel, should go their separate ways:
Not at all, not at all. You know why? Because my conscience was clear. Whatever issues a man has with his wife or whatever, when they deal with it, they deal with it, I don’t come into it. And once you are done with it, and ready to move on, and you want to move on with me, and I want a life with you, it’s me and you. I don’t care what anybody else is thinking or saying.
Not at all, not at all. You know why? Because my conscience was clear. Whatever issues a man has with his wife or whatever, when they deal with it, they deal with it, I don’t come into it. And once you are done with it, and ready to move on, and you want to move on with me, and I want a life with you, it’s me and you. I don’t care what anybody else is thinking or saying.
People
have said this, it hurt because of the impression people tried to create but I
looked at myself and asked myself, Stella in your heart do you believe you did
anything bad? If my answer is no, then my dear, there is no looking back.
Because I am not a kid for me to make a decision and say I want to be with this
person. If I marry 10, it concern you? That’s what I used to say.
If
I have 50 husbands, how does that affect you? Does it change my work? I do my
work, you enjoy it. Enjoy it. It’s not about what I do in my bedroom that is
your issue because you don’t really know what happens in people’s bedrooms. You
don’t know what happens in marriages, you don’t know why people like us are
very weary of people knowing our business.
You don’t know how many marriages are suffering in silence.
The issue of domestic violence that I am fighting for, it’s part of it. There
are marriages that they will tell themselves, especially celebrities we suffer
from that, you are in a marriage and because you are worried about the press,
the media, you stay in. You just stay in, you act, you play for the camera, you
act like everything is okay. Then you get home and everything is hell because
you know the moment you take that bold step and walk away, the backlash will be
so bad.
But you now ask yourself, to stay in
and become a monster or to just quietly live and preserve my sanity. When you
leave to preserve your sanity, then the world wants to make you crazy. You
understand. So it’s a matter of choice. People make choices everyday. They’ve
made theirs, I have made mine. If you can’t deal with it, no problem. It is my
life. Live yours, and I will live mine. And I am Happy. I am not ashamed. Never
a moment of regret.” - Text lifted from Bellanaija
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